That’s right you magnificent hairy bastards. We now have a line of manly-man beard balms made with all natural ingredients to tame and soften those burly whiskers while moisturizing your skin underneath! Our beard balms have gone through rigorous testing with a panel of esteemed beardos from around the country. Each tester will forever be remembered, as they will have a special formula designed with them in mind!
We have five formulas:
Brewmaster’s Balm – This balm is made for those who need extra help to tame those wild whiskers and prefers the richness and full scent of Sandalwood, Patchouli, Tea Tree, and Vetiver.
Tester: Jimmy, the brewmaster extraordinaire, who can often be found surfing the mid-Atlantic waves when he is not making magic with a tub of hops!
Leon’s Burly Balm – This was a favorite amongst the test crew, with a smooth consistency and light woodsy fragrance of Tea Tree, Patchouli, and Cedarwood. This one will tame the beardruff with no problem.
Tester: Leon, who spent decades packing parachutes for Special Forces before embarking on a second career of growing an epic beard that would make Chewbacca blush.
Full Flannel Jacket – The same moisturizing and conditioning formula as Leon’s Burly Balm, but with a milder and crisper scent that is less “hipster” and more “ahh, that’s nice” with Cedarwood, Tea Tree, and Pine Needle.
Tester: Graham, a beer connoisseur and apt brewer with a nose like a bloodhound, who cares little for the mainstream hipster scents.
#vintageHipster – Extra moisturizing with a combination of Hemp and Argon oils to loosen the balm and add a touch of creaminess. Scented with an old school blend of Patchouli, Ylang Ylang, Tea Tree, and Sweet Orange.
Tester: Jonny, of clan Illuminati, was sporting kilts at RenFests and liberating the oppressed before the modern generation of beardos could even spell patchouli.
Talented Mr. Crowley – A nice, smooth, and pliable balm that melts right into your facemat. “Give me something that smells like the Great Northwest,” he said. Well, here you have it with a blend of Clove, Bergamot, Ylang Ylang, and Pine Needle.
Tester: Rob – Esquire, liberator of the oppressed, smelter of ore, distiller of mead, and litigator of commerce – not someone to take lightly in a battle of wit or test of skill.
